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So, I'm just curious.

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So, I'm just curious.

Post by Atlas on Tue Apr 15, 2014 8:47 pm

If you do not like depressing or sad topics, I suggest you turn back right now. This may be one of the only real life and serious topics on the website This goes to people in the community that have trouble coping with things in life. Serious troubles. You're obviously not alone because there are so many people that have trouble with their mental and emotional states. I've always been a guy that helps everyone. I've saved my friends' relationships, I've been able to help an acquaintance to stop cutting herself, and I've also talked my ex-girlfriend out of suicide. It's strange, because my dream job is something like a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. It is also weird to think about, who does a person like me go to when I have issues coping with life? All of my close friends get far too confused and wrapped up in their ridiculous social norms to get even close to understanding my problems. I've had issues trying to fully cope with shit like this, and it was easy to get out of, because I have had a really easy time getting past it. Especially since life moves on no matter what happens to you, or what you do to try and change it. I began talking to one of my friends again about it. He's a very intelligent guy too, so I thought why not? I eventually said exactly what I thought for the past few years. Would it not be easier to commit suicide? To not have to deal with school, family issues, friend issues, personal issues? You would be in a hole that is in the ground. No emotion, no thinking, no feeling, and no more worries. "You" technically wouldn't exist any longer. Despite all of this, the main negative would be upsetting my family and friends. Now even this guy did not understand. He probably just thought I was some low-ass suicidal guy. Which I am not! I'm simply a realist. I just want opinions on this... That's all.
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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by DarknessBalancesoul on Tue Apr 15, 2014 10:20 pm

Well for starters, I apluade you for being able to post something like this so publicly. I know how you feel in certian situations like this because I thought that way occassionally a few years ago...and to be honest, theres not much a person can do to stop you from this if you think this is the best. The world, in a word, sucks. It's not a friendly place by any means. Close friends can help you with this, in the sense of just listening. You can vent and if they don't understand, well it doesn't matter. Its better to just get off your chest first. The best you can do now, is attempt to turn your sadness into strength. It will take a while but it will be worth it. Trust me on this. If you want to discuss this further, Pm me I suppose.
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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by General Bravo on Tue Apr 15, 2014 10:45 pm

Well, we can look at this from two viewpoints. One of them is the materialist premise; that this is really all that we are, and when we die, we stop being. No feeling, no sensation, no realizing that you're dead, nothing. A void beyond human comprehension. Beings surrounded by existence cannot even begin to imagine complete and utter nothingness. It's as if your consciousness is a pencil mark that will become erased from the paper of the universe. Conclusion: suicide is an absolutely horrible idea as it throws away your only existence, which you were really lucky to have to begin with.

The other viewpoint is the more metaphysical one, where you continue on in some form(whether that be an afterlife or reincarnation)after your death. All fine and good, except that opens the likelihood that our individual lives exist for some purpose beyond our understanding and we aren't just here due to blind luck. Conclusion: suicide is not good in this instance either, as it directly contradicts whatever purpose we're here for.

Either way, suicide is a bad idea. Unless you're about to die an extremely terrible death in a matter of minutes(ex: about to get eaten by a swarm of pihranhas), don't. It's not a good thing for you or anyone close to you from either viewpoint. You'd be surprised the hole that can be left in people's lives when those close to them are suddenly taken away.  And besides, there's a lot of good things and experiences to be had in this world, you just gotta get past the crap that most people have to deal with.

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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by Atlas on Tue Apr 15, 2014 10:50 pm

That's the worst part about all of this. I know. I know it's a bad idea, but it is by far the easiest. I do not think I could actually commit suicide due to the pain it would cause to others. I mean, throwing away your existence is so simple when you won't feel anything. It's not like you'll care or anything.
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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by General Bravo on Tue Apr 15, 2014 11:05 pm

Well, looks like we're going off the materialist viewpoint. k

That viewpoint only makes suicide not only a bad idea, but somewhat stupid. There was about one in a million chance of you ever even existing in the way you did now and not some other permutation based off whatever sperm cell beat all the others. The continued existence of life itself has required a consistent lucky streak despite all the instances which it could have been ended, and the same goes for the planet all this is occurring on. All this near-impossible chance.

Yet you would cast it aside like it was an iPhone that wasn't working the way you want it to.

I reiterate: don't.

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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by Zaughi on Wed Apr 16, 2014 1:33 pm

I'd considered suicide for a time too, things have been going real badly for me for the past year in a half, most of which are much too personal for me to even begin to go into here. I'd never felt so alone, but honestly, the Internet is my reprieve. I can meet people like me, people who understand what I'm going through. I feel opportunities to help people that are hurting in the same way, or in a similar way to me. Funny thing, I helped my "real" "friends" with relationship troubles, talked them out of suicide, helped them cope with depression, and always had been around for them. Naturally a couple weeks ago they all decided to just kick me into the gutter after everything I'd done for them.

I'd like to thank someone personally right here. I don't think Sophia Voidwalker (yes, the Stinger-killer) plays HL2RP anymore, but she's been helping me through most of this stuff. I'd certainly go as far to consider her my best friend, considering I don't have any "real" friends to begin with, but in my opinion an online friendship is basically the same as one offline. So I'm just gonna... leave my thanks here and stuff.

I've got some serious anti-social/shyness issues offline, but that changes when I talk with you guys. I can be myself without fear of judgement. That tells me that there are good people still out there. It means all the world to me to know that you guys exist. That's why I have a great deal of respect for Diablo and General Bravo, because honestly you guys have poured out your hard-earned money to make this place possible.

I've got nobody to go to off this computer, really. Sometimes I don't feel like I can even trust my parents with some things. Nobody really understands me, the things I feel, and I've been thrown under the bus or stabbed in the back a multitude of times. But then again.... still going, m8. It's important to keep in mind that there are still things worth living for, and while I might be going through hell right now, I can tell that things are starting to change for me.
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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by Atlas on Wed Apr 16, 2014 8:08 pm

While my foreseeable future looks to do nothing but not reach the expectations of those around me, fuck them. I'll live my life the way I want to. Thank you for your opinions on this guys. While I do still think suicide is definitely the easier way out, it is not the most fun. This is the first real time I've considered suicide as an option, but not one I'm willing to take
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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by Cereal on Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:29 pm

now that you all admit to resorting to suicide, i'm starting to think that i'm a blessed person
because frankly i've been through most of the same shit all of you have and i haven't thought once about killing myself.
oh well, strict as fuck korean parents with morals paid off.
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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by Atlas on Mon Apr 21, 2014 12:24 am

It's just human nature really. Nothing to do with blessings (I'm a realist, not religious. Can you tell?) I'm starting to get back to thinking more straight forwards, and just moving on with my life to actually try and make things better instead of cowering out. Have to have low points in your life to have high points I guess.
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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by Cereal on Mon Apr 21, 2014 2:10 pm

i actually have a mental disorder called partial psychopathy; that's probably why
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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by Atlas on Mon Apr 21, 2014 2:17 pm

I doubt that...
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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by DIABLO258 on Thu Apr 24, 2014 12:51 am

Suicide isn't an option.

Anyway, I have a similar situation. I'm more focused on the meaning to it all. Whats the point of any of this? Do I really need to goto school? Or work? Does any of this really matter in any way? If the earth exploded tomorrow, would Friday be any different in some other solar system? Seriously what the fuck is the point in all of this?

I have come to find that there is none. The main point to being alive, is to live. That is all. You are designed to want to survive. Not go to school, or get a job, or worry about drama, or paying bills on time, or money in general. We are designed to find a mate, survive, then die. That is litterally the only thing we as humans are supposed to do. So why am I going to school and doing all of this other stuff?

Unfortunately you have what people like to call "Critical thinking", I have it too. I guess what I can tell you through my experience is that its going to get tougher. My last year of high school is almost done, and I honestly almost committed suicide 6 hours ago. How ever, I didn't. You have so much time ahead of you Atlas, you don't even know. An entire life time.

Go back 5 years. Did you think you would be doing what you are doing now, back then? Probably not. So when you think to yourself "This shit is gonna stay shit forever" think about all the times you were wrong about predicting the future.

EDIT: Shit man, a few years ago I was head over heels for a girl. This girl later broke my heart and killed me. Before that I was convinced she was the one. I was never going to fall in love ever again. Date another girl? Nah. Be attracted to another girl? Nah. But guess what, things changed. Currently I am head over heels for another girl, one that is not exactly playing ball. This is causing depression and suicidal temptations. But every time, every time I get those thoughts, I think about how wrong I was. How I was so wrong. Then I think about how I am wrong now about never finding someone new, or never moving on, or never doing anything about this. Because I was wrong in the past, I can be wrong now.

Atlas, Earth needs people like you and me. We actually give a shit about things that are important. Others are mindless drones who work for the big companies raping them in the ass every year. Critical thinking is actually something our government does not want us to have. We are the type of people to see issues that others don't. And better yet, see solutions that others don't.

But the big issue is that we are more suceptible to these bad thoughts. We love to think, so think we shall. But once you hit puberty and you start getting that teenage depression, for us, it kicks in with full force, doesnt it?
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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by Zaughi on Thu Apr 24, 2014 1:13 pm

Went through the same thing you did, Diablo.
Depression, heart broken, thoughts of suicide, hopelessness, however searching for meaning... well, I've considered it, and I'm not exactly the kind of guy to turn to religion for that kind of thing. I don't really think I need a point besides enjoying the life I'm living.

Thinking about school.... do I need to know Algebra, or other random topics that are completely irrelevant to real life? Why can't I just go straight to studying for the profession of my choice instead of burning through all these college courses and struggling to maintain grades? Why do these grades need to exist? They bring students down and push them over the edge. Can't we start rethinking the ways we do things?

Nope, let's focus on obeying our corporate overlords, working hard with our heads down, drinking our Breen's Water, listening to pop music and fearing/labelling those who think outside of the box we live in.
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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by Atlas on Thu Apr 24, 2014 4:25 pm

That is exactly it Diablo. But right now, I am riding higher than what I was before. Just feels like, if you don't like what I do and how I do it, that's not my problem. I take unnecessarily long periods of time to overthink things. But now I don't care because what happens to me is my choice, and nobody else's. If someone causes me to be unhappy, they can fuck off. Simple as that.

The only thing we have to live for, is ourselves.
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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by DIABLO258 on Thu Apr 24, 2014 5:13 pm

Of course, but you do not get to control what happens to you. They do not have to fuck off. If they make you unhappy, you need to fuck off, other wise they wont give a shit, just like you. You need to understand that really no one is in control. Power is an illusion. A very good one at that. Acting like you are in control will only help for so long, before someone else understands that you are bluffing, like the rest.

In order to maintain a stable thought process, you need to understand that what happens to you happens. If someone wants to knock you in the face, their gonna do it. You are only in control of your body. Your mind, your emotions, your ability to comprehend certain situations, none of it is under your control. You can either let things happen to you, or try to avoid things and achieve others.

But what I want you to understand, is that you are human. I am human. Zaughi is human. We are all human. We are born almost exactly the same. A clean slate of mind, a small able body, and our senses. So think, do you really want to live for yourself and yourself alone? Or do you want to embrace humanity and treat your fellow humans (Who are almost certain to gone through something similar) like you want them to treat you?

You're in control of nothing but how you act and react to others. Think about that. The next time you go to school. Think about how you see the world, your viewpoint, your thoughts, your habits, hobbies, loved ones, think about how everyone else you see is kind like a card board cut out in a movie. And then try to realize that EVERY SINGLE PERSON YOU WILL EVER MEET has the same viewpoint from the same human eyes, very similar thoughts, very similar habits, and probably a hobby that you have heard of. Not to mention that they see YOU as a card board cut out in their movie.

You are not the center of the world, nor the universe. Understand that, and for me at least, it changes things. Suddenly someones asks for help, and all you can think about is how if you were asking for help, you would want that person to agree. So, you agree to help.

Take time to think of others, and not yourself. If you do that, the heart grows cold. And do not let the over thinking get to you. I do the same thing, and have lost many opportunities because of it. Think simple. Left or right. Up or down. Don't over complicate things, because they will over complicate you. And when that happens, people will be telling you to fuck off rather than the other way around.
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Re: So, I'm just curious.

Post by Cereal on Thu May 01, 2014 11:47 pm

Atlas wrote:I doubt that...

you can go ahead and doubt it; but to prevent an argument i'm just going to say i'm one of the few people you'll meet that'll actually show little to no emotion towards a man dying on the streets. I simply look at things insensitively because I was indoctrinated so hard under the reason that it happens every day. you just don't see it.
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Re: So, I'm just curious.

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